I see London, I see France-

Posted: February 4, 2009 in Uncategorized

I wanted to write something really cynical yet aloof-ishly cool for Independance Day, but Whacko beat me to it. Damn you!

So I have been left with no choice but to talk about superheroes and underwear instead.
Why, I have always wondered, do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside?
Is it a substitute, whence they wear it outside instead of on the inside?
OR, I also wonder, is it decorative exterior underwear and they wear an additional non-shiny cotton pair on the inside?

Hmmm yes, conclusion: I have way too much time on my hands.

Nevertheless! What is the purpose of the outside-underpants superhero style? I no longer question the tights, for that’s quite possibly for uninterrupted frictionless movement through the air and things. But underwear on the outside is just absurd.

Spiderman and some others, for some reason, refuse to follow the trend, but our most beloved Superman and Batman obviously do. Even Iceman (ICE MAN!), I just noticed recently, wears white undies on the outside!

Why? Of course, we’d never dare laugh at their choice of style because you know, superheroes are ubercool. But if they weren’t! Laugh our butts off we would.
But no one, not even Stan Lee (don’t think I don’t know you read and sneakily erased all traces of my interrogative email, mister!), could give me a credible answer.

Me: Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside, man?

Art teacher: ‘Tis a form of expression! Colourful underwear on the outside makes them stand out from the common masses.

Friend: Dude. It looks hot.

Co-worker: Uh. Aren’t you supposed to be working or something?

7 year-old: Maybe the creators wanted to see if they could get away with making cool people dress like retards!

Mum: Hmm (gives it serious thought) I KNOW! It probably accentuates.. things.
Me: Maaa, EW. 😐

Whatever the reason, it’s really weird. I mean, this is how they’d seem if they didn’t have the cool super powers.
Their sheer super-ness, however, makes me doubt the possibility that they are plagued with a weird psychological undies-on-the-outside fetish; so it’s probably some Superhero Agency Secret that the Comic-book-government is keeping from us.

I shall find out the cause of your shiny outer underwear, Superman! Just you wait!
*Dramatic villainous cackle*

I blame this post on the six cups of caffiene I had today.
  1. Sabby says:

    Yes *thinks* its something to drink over! *thinks harder*Underwear you say??! Hmmm. New epidemic izzit?! Hmmm.Yes, I blame the coffee too. =)

  2. Paparé Boy says:

    That was funny. :DMillions of comic book fans have been baffled by that age old question, man.I think back in the ’30s when Superman was created, and the ’60s when Marvel Comics was at its peak, wearing underwear over your pants was probably the ‘in’ thing… at least among the comics community. There’s no other explanation

  3. Serendib_Isle says:

    Superheroes aren’t born in tropical countries. Which leads to monkey-suits underneath their clothing to keep them warm. Which leads to Spike Lee undressing Clarke Kent and discovering Superman in a White cotton monkey suit! He thinks *colour* and *contrast*The rest is history.That’s my coffee mug talking.

  4. TheWhacksteR says:

    bahahaa! cynical yet aloof-ishly cool? daiim, i was LOOKING for something to describe what i did.Cani be ‘cynical yet aloof-ishly cool man’ when reality bites! never fear, ‘cynical yet aloof-ishly cool man’ is here!i thinks its all in the superness. They are rubbing their greatness in our faces because we still adore in them a trait for whih we would ridicule anyone else.It is a expose of petty human beliefs and investments in norms where it is considered ridiculous to have underwear like garments on the outside.

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