The Ultimate Chick Flick

Posted: February 18, 2009 in Uncategorized

Remember that one movie Britney Spears acted in? And everyone said it sucked like a black hole and so nobody bothered even watching it?

Well yeah. Crossroads. I watched it because I wanted to witness for myself the black hole suckage.
And cuz, you know, Britney Spears attempting to act… that’s as irresistible as a seat at the Bearded Woman show at the circus.

Quite frankly, it wasn’t as disastrous a train wreck as I expected! I was disappointed.
Crossroads is the winner of two Razzie awards (no, not a good thing), one for Worst Actress and one for Worst Original Song.

It is, in short, the perfect chick flick. Has all the essential ingredients:

1. ‘Omg lets b frends 4evah!’ bunch of giggly girls.
2. A blonde, wide-eyed, chweet protagonist. a.k.a. Britney.
3. An oh so adorably cute love interest, who seems dangerous at first but is actually a big softie.
4. Girl-powah! scenes: all 3 girls get into a karoake contest, murder a song together, and win prize money for it. Sing-along girly song scene, girl-punches-asshole-boyfriend scene etc etc.
5. Huggy lovey dovey scenes: the ‘frends 4evah!’ get all emotional-bonding, solve each other’s problems, and huggle and such. Quite sickening if you’re not in the mood, but it made me giggle. Condescendingly of course.
6. Hot make-out scene between protagonist and love interest.
7. Everyone wins in the end. Girl-powah! again.
8. Closing scene: protagonist lives her dream of being a singer. Strangers applaud at performance. Cheesier than a cheese-crusted cheese lovers pizza with extra cheese.
9. Everyone lives happily ever after.

What made it less forgettable were the little twists towards the end of the movie, that make you go ‘oh, that’s a tad different’, but then when #8 happens, you go back to ‘man I hope nobody catches me watching this shit.’

Quite hilarious was the fact that the protagonist’s Dad (Dan Aykroyd, that guy from Ghostbusters) who plays a control-freak super protective parent all throughout, gives his daughter a supportive ‘go live out your dream, my precious cherrub!’ smile at the very end, when:
a. His only 18 year old daughter makes out with some much older guy he’s never seen before.
b. She’s on stage wearing a blouse that’s just barely keeping things from falling out.

I mean, if that’s not pure chick flickyness, I don’t know what is.
My only serious complaint was Britney’s awfully nasal performance of songs in the movie that for me were cringingly embarassing.

Rating: torture for the serious movie critic, but enjoyable if you’re in the mood for some frivolous sillyness.

Also enjoyable was Overprotected when the credits were rolling.
THERE, I SAID IT! I like a song sung by Britney Spears! And know some of the words too!
*Runs and hides inside a hole to avoid being hit by rotten tomatoes*

OH and speaking of Girl-powah! check out our latest local talent: someone oughta take all the wannabe-gangstuh crap off TV and put some real talent on like this.

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Comments
  1. The Celestial Dream says:

    Oh man, I feel for you. Never bothered watching it.And yes Overprotected is kinda catchyNatasha is FTW!

  2. PseudoRandom says:

    *whispers* but I like chick flicks!And yeah, Britney songs are catchy. I prefer the newer ones though *whispers again* I know all the words to her new one, Circus *runs and joins Mak wherever she’s hiding*:D

  3. Sabby says:

    Heeeeeeeeeee!*psssssssst* I watched it toooo!Britney’s songs are quite catchh-*clamps mouth shut* =D

  4. DeeCee says:

    I like “im a slaaaaaaaaaveee…fer yous!” aand Gimme Gimme whotsit..Cheesier than a cheese-crusted cheese lovers pizza with extra cheese? hahahahahahhahaha OK I GOTTAWATCHIT!

  5. The Celestial Dream says:

    I can’t stop listening to CIRCUS!!! If effin awesome. Did i just say that?Oopsy

  6. Makuluwo says:

    o_O You Britney-Spears-song-listening godless heathens! We’re running out of space in this hole we’re hiding in. 😛

  7. Azrael says:

    Man that Natasha’s voice is so awesome. Hope she goes a long way

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