Interview with a Blahbarian

Posted: March 10, 2009 in Uncategorized

He gives me an all-important curt nod as I walk towards the table.
With a polite smile, I take out my notebook and apologetically blame the nasty evening traffic for my 5 minute delay.

I pull out a pen and survey him for a few seconds, deciding what my first impression of the fellow will be.

On his face is an expression akin to the man in the picture above.

He misunderstands the look.
‘Do you want an autograph? Heh you could just ask, people always do.’

Uh what?

Omnipotent smirk.

What a pretentious little ass.

So tell me about your work, I ask.
I count the number of times he uses the words ‘I’ and ‘me’, and lose count.

A few more questions.
‘Actually, I think you’re supposed to ask me about this-‘

o_O Um, would you like to interview yourself and email me the Q&A then?

The sunlight bounces off his shiny gelled-to-perfection do. I imagine it catching fire, his composure reduced to a comical running-around-screaming, till I’d have to put the fire out with his milkshake.

‘Is something amusing?’ he asks, uncertain.
I wipe the sadistic smile off my face.
‘Oh no, I was just admiring your Blackberry.’

‘Oh yes. It’s wonderful isn’t it?’ he agrees, glancing at it with fatherly pride.

‘I have to leave in another 10 minutes,’ he says, after another round of yawn-worthy self indulgent rambling.

Oh, so you made me come all the way here to interview you so you could leave in 20 minutes. Awesome.

I ignore a few prepared questions lest the man should argue those aren’t the questions I’m ‘supposed’ to be asking.

Nice to meet you then, tata.
Handshake. Ow, dude, you’re crushing my fingers.

Grabs his coat and rushes off.
I tap my pen on the notebook wearing a -_- expression on the face, that makes the couple sitting at the next table giggle.

I can visualize the headline of the Feature now…
Sri Lankan celeb: charismatic on cameras, pompous in person.

Put truth in a magazine?
Whoever heard of such a thing! ๐Ÿ˜›

  1. Just Me says:

    oooh who was dis? IM DYING TO KNOW!Awesome post btw … i especially liked the -_- look ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. messiahofmadness says:

    =PWow… am I glad I’ve never had to interview anyone like that!

  3. Sigma Delta says:

    My one moment of sheer genius in justifying a crock of bull shit is dedicated to Mak’s and her post that inspired it.

  4. Makuluwo says:

    I’m flattered, Sig. ๐Ÿ˜›

  5. Sachintha says:

    Who’s the jerk?Tell us!

  6. tash says:

    heh nice post!who was it btw??

  7. Makuluwo says:

    LOL I can’t teeeelllll you guys, that would be unethical! >.<

  8. Sachintha says:

    Come on, fight the fire with fire!Being unethical is sometimes fun! ๐Ÿ˜›

  9. Makuluwo says:

    My editors wouldn’t like it, dahling. Chutti hint just for you though, he’s on radio. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. Anonymous says:

    Does his name happen to rhyme with ‘JACK’ or ‘MACK’ and start with an ‘S’….? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. Makuluwo says:

    Huh? No..? :/

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