The Wandering Eye: unethical or natural?

Posted: March 15, 2009 in Uncategorized

X: Have you seen A these days? Sheer hotness I tell you.
Y: GASP. Aren’t Tin and you an item now?! And you going and talking about A like that! You sleazy hobag, you.
X: Whaaaat! I’m sure Tin says the same thing when he sees Angelina Jolie or something on TV! Who can blame him?
Y: Chee.

The above is a conversation I had with a friend of mine (Y).
So I’m wondering, is it truly a crime to appreciate the good looks or personality of another person while you’re with someone else?

It’s quite clear though, that most people resent this.
I cannot count the number of times that my women friends (Y especially) have gotten all whiny and depressed when their men have expressed positive views about some beauty at work or a charming woman friend.
Works vice versa as well, with some of the guys getting all grunty and unresponsive when the girl says something nice about another guy.

Sure, I do understand that your better half saying someone else is gorgeous is enough to arouse a bit of possessive jealousy. And if he or she goes on and on about them, it’s potential for possible straying.
But isn’t getting all hoity-toity about a few appreciative comments sort of… insecure?
Everyone knows there are amazing people out there, who may not necessarily be the person you’re with. And just because you appreciate those people for their Adonis genes or talent or whatever, doesn’t mean you love the person you’re with any less right?

I know it’s the most natural human thing in the world that after that first madness-phase of a relationship, after passing the period of not-being-able-to-think-of-anyone-else, and you enter the mutual comfort zone, one may look around and merely notice other beautiful people.
Is that really so avoidable? Objectively, it seems childish to me that one may loathe the idea of their beloved appreciating the truth in another person.
Must loyalty to one cancel out honest perception of all others?

I would think couples would reach a certain mature secure stage in the relationship, where just discussing another person’s attractive characters would seem insignificant.
Still I find my uncle getting all frosty when his wife tells him what a nice man the neighbor is, when they’ve been married for 25 years.

But I digress, the pang of jealousy would be inevitable if Tin should say he thought someone else was amazing or something.
Some childish instinct many are yet to evolve out of? Or like the wandering eye, does possessive jealousy hold just as much license as a human reflex?

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Comments
  1. blackexists says:

    nice one, spidey. Ive been thinking about it too lately. i think other people than the guy im in love wit are good looking, but at the end of the day, he’s the one I love, and that doesn’t change. I know it’s the same with him – but i know I’ll still be a little puk-tified if he says this other woman is a hottie. It’s natural. And i think it’s a part of actually being in love, or almost in love. How you deal with that particular feeling Comes down to how insecure you actually are about you’re relationship?

  2. Gehan says:

    the eyes may wander, as long as they dont linger….and a little jealousy now n then is kinda a given for a normal relationship..

  3. Anonymous says:

    woman are you nutsyour not so selephant frend 🙂

  4. DeeCee says:

    nice one. and no its not a crime…

  5. Delilah says:

    good post:) there is absolutely nothing wrong with admiring someone else. but i must confess i’m one of those childish ones who will comment that another guy is haaaawt but still might get jealous if my guy starts commenting on other women. one or two comments i can handle – depending on the degree of drooling, but beyond a point the claws will come out:)

  6. Jack Point says:

    Not a crime, not a crime, even if you are actually drooling…..

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