A Boogery Epiphany

Posted: April 4, 2009 in Uncategorized

I am now officially a phlegm machine.
The last few days in Abu Dhabi were super dusty and I think the dust’s been secretly accumulating in my lungs till I landed home.
And then WHAM!
Phlegm production.
Crazy stuff, man.

So I can’t really do much than idle around while I’m sick.
Can’t work. Or talk to people, without sounding like an alien from Planet Zyborx.
Which left me a lot of time to myself to think of nonsensical things to blog about.

Boogers! I was thinking… just how primitive it is that we ‘technologically advanced’ humans are still using something as inefficient as tissue paper to extract boogers from the nasal cavity.

A nasty flu on average involves sneezing abruptly at inappropriate times (which is sorta fun actually) and phlegm just totally cramping your sociable style with their unwarranted attempts at escaping through the holes in your face.
And you can’t even sleep cuz the cough keeps interfering with the dozing off part!
And then when you do fall asleep, you sound like a tractor reversing out of a ditch thanks to the nose blockage forcing you to breathe out of your mouth.

The Snot Sucker is the solution, my friends.

Just visualize… a snazzy battery operated vacuum-cleaner-like-thing set at a certain sucking frequency, where you attach two thin tubes to your nostrils, and a bigger one to your mouth, and you pull the trigger, and the machine sucks all the phlegm out!

Ghhhjjjjjhhhhhhh.

3 minutes later, your insides are snot-free.

The inside of the Snot Sucker will be coated with some sort of polythene wrap which will collect extracted snot.
Wrap + snot is then removed from the machine, sealed and disposed of after a day’s usage.
Another trigger releases surgical spirit into the insides of the tubes and the machine to annihilate any remaining bacteria.

The machine comes with fifty polythene wrap replacements and a bottle of surgical spirit for about a month’s usage.
Special offer: Amoxycillin and Panadol antibiotics!
Only Rs. 2000, order now and get a complimentary Calvin and Hobbes booger-related comics issue!

I know. Pure genius.

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Comments
  1. Sachintha says:

    Genius indeed!I can picture you’re imagining this like this while sneezing at random!LOL…

  2. Sigma Delta says:

    Yep, the Mak’s is back!You need to get well and get out, this post, even for you, is left fieldGood to see you on line again

  3. Makuluwo says:

    :DTch! No appreciation for ingenious ideas, Sig! 😛

  4. DeeCee says:

    I wuv you?

  5. Celestial says:

    Ooooh niiice… I couldn’t stop laughing 🙂 very very very NICE 🙂 I think we have all gone through this… so where can I get one hehehe!

  6. bug says:

    ginger & bee honey mixture a well known home made cure but makuluwoo tikkak wedi…"Slowly-slowly, even a makuluwoo can turn a beam into a needle ha!?"

  7. Azrael says:

    Awww… poor Mak. Get well soon 🙂

  8. Serendib_Isle says:

    errr… does it come with nose-buds of different sizes?and colours?like the iPod, I mean ear-buds?:)

  9. Makuluwo says:

    I wuv you too, Dee? ;D Yes yes working on a few trendy colour prototypes now, Serendib, but nose buds? You put buds in your nose when you have the flu?! You freak, you. 😀 Orders available in 2011, folks! Maybe I’ll use Dee’s wedding as the location for sales.. BAHAHAHAHA.

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