Goo goo gaa gaa!

Posted: April 6, 2009 in Uncategorized

What is this fascination that everyone has with babies?

‘Omg we have to go and see Aunty Blahblah’s baby!’
Why? All babies look alike to me. They’re all pudgy wriggly twitchy miniature humans.

‘Aaaneeeyyy, he’s SOOO cute!’
Has anyone seen an ugly baby? Yeah I didn’t think so.

‘Woocoo jooboo aww my wittle schnukky wukky woo!’
Do you know how disturbing it is to watch 30 to 40 year olds talk like that into the face of a startled looking baby who’s probably wondering why everyone’s speaking Retardese?

‘Makuluwooo isn’t this baby the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seeeeeeen?’
Meh, he’s okay.
‘WHAT? How can you SAY that? Look at him! Giggling and holding my pinky finger!’
But all babies do that.
‘Your heart is made of stone.’
Whaaaaaaaat, I’m just saying that baby is cute just like all other babies are!
‘Aww look what you did! You made him cry!’
His diaper probably needs changing, fool.

Srsly. Babies are overrated, people.

Kay kay fine, they’re all cute in that disarming puppydog-innocence-incarnate sort of way.
But what’s the big deal everytime a baby pops out of someone?!

Why am I forced to go see these babies and compliment every one of them and be all, omg he totally looks like the type who’s going to grow up to be the next Che Guevera, based purely on the frequency of the infant’s kicking, when for all I know it’s probably just kicking in an attempt to hit one of the faces cooing incoherently into its frilly pram.

They’re a tad interesting in general though.
Babies I mean, not frilly prams.
Most often because sometimes some of them sit there and wear this look on their faces as though a hundred intelligent thoughts are travelling through their innocent little brains.
Maybe they are!
And then they babble at length with such fierce determination that you wonder if they’re speaking a sensible language that you just can’t decipher.

Most babies respond the same with me.
We stare at each other in an awkward ‘uh hi.. you’re weird’ kind of way.
Of course there’s the occasional tongue-out-in-mockery gesture or random giggle from either one of us to break the monotone.

Then I wave at it and leave.
Only to be reprimanded by old people and dragged back into the room and pressured into smooching its pudgy face.

Babies are like puppies or kittens except less interactive, and fussier with their diets and unreliable when it comes to expecting them to finish #1 and #2 missions neatly in the garden, and it’ll be atleast another 3 years till they can fetch you your slippers.

Now am I so horrible to have said all that out loud?
Don’t answer that. 😛

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Comments
  1. DeeCee says:

    don’t like behbehs. ONLY boys around 4..cuuuute…i think i’ve blogged about that… hm…

  2. PseudoRandom says:

    I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve babies. They are adorable. Their gurgling sound gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. And I get the same feeling when they latch onto my fingers. I love babies so much that I smile with every baby I see on the street…and then get stared at by his/her parents :S Actually the mothers are usually ok, but the fathers get all protective. And I don’t talk baby language to them…although what I do say is probably along the lines of “who’s an amazingly adorable gorgeous magnificant bundle of joy, then?”.Yes I know I’m sad and broody. So sue me :D.

  3. Sachintha says:

    I’m fine with babies as long as they don’t cry.Then I feel like give them a good hard kick. Honestly.:P

  4. Azrael says:

    My sentiments exactly. For the life of me can’t understand what people find so fascinating about them.

  5. Anonymous says:

    how can you?maku after having a pal like me?babies are the most purest human forms in the world devoid of all impure and evil things.the smile drawn across its face is one of the most beautiful things that ever happened.soppy as usual arent i?saint muff

  6. Serendib_Isle says:

    Brilliant, nicely said. I was like you, I went to see my eldest sister’s first born and kept playing with the cat. Never touched the baby. I was 20 then.Now, a father of two; life has changed and so has my view on babies. But I still remember how it all used to be.;)

  7. bug says:

    he…he…. simply a makuluwoo expression…parental makuluwoo care??????????bahaaaaa….

  8. aufidius says:

    quite wierdly, i am rather alright with babies- ironic since my other emotional and physical characteristics dont really blend in with the ok-with-babies-ness of mine 😉

  9. Anonymous says:

    WOW, finally some one who comes out with the truth. These babies are the most annoying thing in da world. Wats even more annoying is the fact that we used to be like that. Disturbing. Nice work though.

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