The Dawn of the Porky Ones

Posted: May 1, 2009 in Uncategorized

He sneaked through the streets, a silent ninja of the night.

Cutting his way through traffic like a professional, putting Sri Lankan jaywalkers to shame, and then scooping up a delicious piece of strawberry pudding from the pavement before slipping quietly into an alleyway.

He had to do it well. The Agency in Japan had sent him and others like him across the world, on an important mission.
This would be his big day.
Master Yung had narrowed his pinkish eyelids, and said to him,
These humans, they have terrorized our species for too long.
Today, will be the day, young one, whence you will strike fear into their hearts.

They will pay for their insolence!

With no more hesitation, he stepped out of the alleyway.
And let out a giant squeal that would have made his mother proud.

A woman shrieked, ‘THE PIG IS COMING! RUUUUNNNN!’

There was chaos.
People ran across Galle Road at the sight of the evil little piggy and the deadly disease he brought with him.
He smiled to himself, cackling quietly. Well, snorting actually, for pigs can’t cackle can they.
He indulged in the looks of horror he saw on the faces of the humans.
Sweet revenge.
And he held back a stifled oink in his throat, remembering that tragic incident of his childhood, when they took Daddy away in a big truck.
And then the piglets at school told him Daddy’d been turned into porky sausages.

He let out another outraged squeal into the city air. And trotted around a bit, in a circle.
Just to freak em out some more.
Damn, this was fun.

Sirens. He heard sirens.
Master Yung had warned him about the sirens, and the humans who rode with them, with their giant pig-catching nets, and minds full of savage thoughts about how they could cut piggies into little pieces, put them in neat plastic bags, and sell them in rows inside a huge eerie building where they kept saying ‘clean up on aisle four’.

His little piggy shoulders shuddered at the thought.
The birds struck with avengeance once, vile humans! And we shall too! ph33r me and the wretched flu I carry in my breath! NyAhhAHAHhahahaaa!
(But of course, that last line sounded more like oink! but you get my drift.)

With another triumphant squeal, he trotted along the pavement away from the sirens, randomly oinking menacingly at panicked civilians.
Yes, today will be the day, he thought, his curly tail wiggling as his waddle sped up.
Today will be the day, whence we shall take over the world.

Felt like a random post today, what with this whole swine flu business going around.

Off to Hikkaduwa for the weekend, boys and girls! Have a good one!

  1. Dayaan says: came across this earlier 😛 I figure it’d be of some relevance ^_^

  2. Serendib_Isle says:

    Haah ha ha! Laughed my ass off! Especially considering that I DO have a friend called “Yung”..!Loved it.

  3. Azrael says:

    Ha Ha ha man this is funny stuff.

  4. DeeCee says:


  5. Gadgetgirl says:

    What about Piglet??? =(.

  6. Scrumpulicious says:

    Loved this! 🙂

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