Every Friggin Tamil Movie

Posted: July 23, 2009 in Uncategorized

Girl in really white shalwar kameez, standing up inside bus.
Girl is fair, slim, long-haired, and quite likely a school teacher or a nurse in an elderly home or some sort of goodwill embassador.
Boy (usually has a moustache. why is that? gross.) sees girl.
Girl’s hair bangs flutter in the wind.
Boy gives girl his seat, she smiles coyly.
Soft la la laaa music in the background.

Girl and boy dancing on top of green hill.
Jinkijikka jinkijikka.
Roughly 50 other people emerge from behind trees wearing matching clothes.
Everyone resumes dancing in such a perfectly choreographed way that Broadway would be put to shame.
15 friggin minutes of this.
Camera zooms in to the sunshine and clouds.
Scene changes to ordinary situation.
Boy and girl do boy and girl things.
Boy cracks joke, girl giggles in that high-pitched lololol!11 sort of way.
Boy carries girl’s books to class. Boy saves girl from class bully.
La la laaa music returns in each of these scenarios.

ENTER VILLAIN (with bigger moustache than boy. this is war!)
‘ADEIII!’ he shouts, tying his sarong up high, seductively revealing a little bit of his funny pair of striped boxers.
Girl stands on the side, hair bangs all frazzled, making irritating ‘oh-dear-I-think-I’m-going-to-faint’ noises.
Villain and boy show-down. The fight for the girl.
Da na na naaa suspense music.
Villain advances with ten cronies.
Boy suddenly reveals an amazing variety of martial arts/jujitsu/boxing/wrestling skills.
The infamous dishum dishum chase/fight scene (might include horses doing strange things).

professional cats reinacting dishum dishum sequence

AAHHH, GAAAHHH, the cronies cry as they are flung into the air by the boy-suddenly-turned-Hercules.
Villains fly (quite literally) into all sorts of things to emphasize the drama, such as rivers, pots, tables, glass windows, other villains etc.

Someone bludgeons boy on the head/shoots him in the chest.
Boy falls down, dying. Villain goes BAHAHAHAA and grabs girl.
Aiyyo enna kaapaathunga! (someone save me! *whinewhine!*)’ she squeals, the tragic (and utterly annoying) damsel in distress.
Despite the fact that the boy is now drenched in horrific thick tomato sau- uh I mean blood-

BAPADAPAA! Dun dun, dun dun, dun dagga dun dun.
‘EEIII!’ boy shouts at Villain, magically revived by the girl’s pleas, his body deciding to ignore the massive crack in his skull or the 9mm bullet in his chest.
Let go of my girl! or something to that effect.
More dishum dishum.

Blah blah blah.

Boy and girl get married and live happily ever after.

Oh wait, small mistake:
Boy and girl get married – perform another insanely choreographed dance sequence on a green hill – and then live happily ever after.

  1. Sabby says:

    Oh my good GOD!The 'jinkijikka jinkijikka' did it for me…

  2. Chavie says:

    HAHAHA πŸ˜€ the cats are awesome! πŸ˜‰ and what *is* it with those moustaches??? πŸ˜€ ROFL!

  3. chathuraw says:

    Hahahaha… ROFL…. Where did you find that horse thing btw? Motorbikes were bad enough. But horses???? Poor horse 😦

  4. PseudoRandom says:

    HAHAHAHAHA πŸ˜€ I agree with Sabby, the 'jinkijikka jinkijikka' was awesome πŸ˜€

  5. aufidius says:

    jinkijikka lol!

  6. She Who Eats Cookies says:

    Believe it or not- here in Chennai (the source of all sucky movies) the moustache s a symbol of strength and manliness -__-haha you forgot to mention the part when the guy touches and/or gets hit by the girls saree or shawl- & promptly acts like he's orgasming :Pjinkijikka jinkijikka! JIJI TIIME!

  7. Harumi says:

    Rofl.. almost felt like I watched the real thing! lol You know Maks you should do more of these exclusive reviews in future too. I give you 10 stars! *out of 5* =Doh and the 2 cats match the scenario perfectly. =D

  8. ~ lo$t $oul ~ says:

    Wht era movies are u watchin :P.. can i list u some good movies.. tamil ones.. :Phehehe i dont know how u come up wth all tht drama in words..ever think abt directing a tamil movie..??

  9. Anonymouse says:

    Brilliant.As an unwilling accomplice dragged by family members to watch the latest tamil flick, it's good to know that so many people fully understand the stupidity of dancing to an uncoordinated song in Greenland, while the whole movie is supposed to take place ONLY in a small village in South India.Brava! =D

  10. Gadgetgirl says:

    Lol men Lol. No comment.=D.LMAO!

  11. Angel says:

    Hilarious! πŸ™‚

  12. Azrael says:

    ROFL Brilliant πŸ˜€

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