Bussing It – II

Posted: July 30, 2009 in Uncategorized

At the risk of sounding like a total and utter noob (I’ll know I have when wisecrackboy leaves a “Noob. :P” comment, which he’ll now feel compelled to do), I’m going to tell you about my latest revelations about bussing it.

Consider it a sequel to my little pre-bussing-it post.

So there I was, taking the 100 at 5.30-ishpm, getting back home after some blah-de-blah interview at the cinnamon.

The bus was being a bastard, as most if not all Sri Lankan buses are, swerving obnoxiously in and out of lanes, driving fast and precariously close to other moving objects and then suddenly braking just about an inch from consecutive buses at the halts.

The driver had frilly floor rugs around him, he was sitting on one, there was one under his seat, and one on the dashboard.
A special liking for frilly rugs perhaps.
Plastic and silver rings on his fingers, and a gaudy golden watch on his wrist.
He kept looking into his comically huge rear-view mirror and scowling at the people in the back, his Hitler-esque moustache twitching, before suddenly tugging at the comically huge lever at his side.

The fuel and speed dials looked funny within a lumpy-shaped frame with no glass covering, behind the steering wheel.
One of my favourite black-and-white-era hindi songs, except in jinkijikka-sinhala-version, blared from the radio that had “Merry Christmas” painted on it.
An array of hindu gods in various poses stood in a regal row above the radio.

The bus was getting crowded.
I was seated next to this woman who’d managed to completely pass out against the window amidst all the noise and crowdedness.
A woman’s stomach was almost right in my face on the right, and some guy’s hand was inadvertently almost right in my face on the left.
Maybe the woman’s pregnant, I thought, as her bundi completely obstructed my view of the road ahead. Should I get up and give her the seat then?
But what if it’s just… glandular… and she gets offended and thinks I’m calling her fat?
Some teenager’s crotch is almost in the face of the sleeping woman. He reaches into his pocket to take out the bus money, hoping the woman doesn’t wake up and get the wrong idea.

Toffee wrappers and crumpled paper strewn across the floor.
Cash notes folded into neat little squares collected by the conductor.
Huge handbags.
A hobo wearing an Audioslave t-shirt.
Man yelling into bluetooth looks like he’s talking to himself.

Soon, butts as far as the eye can see because everyone’s standing around in front of me in awkward positions.
A bunch of people, probably from completely different backgrounds, classes and worlds.
Rubber slippers and stilettos.
Dirty worn faces and Maybelline make-up.
All forced to play Twister in this cramped up little sardine can.

An old lady grabs the side bars while the bus speeds off mercilessly as she gets into the bus.
She climbs in and stands on the side, catches my eye and smiles one of those wrinkly smiles that only sweet old ladies can give.
It’s like she gets the joke too.

What’s going to happen when the sleeping woman wakes up to find someone’s crotch in her face?
Where did that hobo get that awesome band tshirt from?
Is that bluetooth guy just pretending to be talking into his bluetooth thing cuz he’s bored?
So many randomass questions, with a myriad of giggle-worthy answers, in something as mundane as taking a bus from point A to point B.
So yes. I love it to bits.
I know, I’m easily amused. πŸ˜›

  1. Chavie says:

    HAHAHAHAHA :Djust be thankful you got a seat… I'm pretty sure you would've fallen face down had you been standing up… ;)(yes, that almost happened to me once… n00bish, I know) πŸ˜€

  2. chathuraw says:

    Haha… Your second bus ride? :DAnd that giving-the-seat-to-probably-pregnant woman thing happened to a friend of mine. Turns out she wasn't pregnant and she wasn't happy about being thought that she was. That was EMBARASSING. :DOh and don't mind the crotch thing. It's normal. The part it gets creepy is when it rubs against your shoulders. πŸ˜€

  3. hijinx says:

    I like bus rides when I get to sit πŸ˜€ do some of my best thinking on buses… I also get extra space from the person sitting next to me, 'cause _no one_ wants to get too close to the crazy girl who talks to herself. πŸ˜› πŸ˜€

  4. AlterEgo says:

    Bus rides are cool. As long as you're not the one pushed up against random males, imo. πŸ˜›

  5. Sigma says:

    You know what, you should now move on to train rides. Try a short one down south to say Bentota I still hop on one once in way to sit in the doorway watching the world go by!BTW your word verification: e gemba!

  6. Azrael says:

    Ditto on the pregnant / non-pregnant-fat women, can't figure it out sometimes. Don't worry, you'll develop an immunity once you take several bus rides and learn to zone out when u get inside one he he πŸ˜€

  7. TheWhacksteR says:

    What's going to happen when the sleeping woman wakes up to find someone's crotch in her face? i dont knowWhere did that hobo get that awesome band tshirt from? PETTAH!Is that bluetooth guy just pretending to be talking into his bluetooth thing cuz he's bored?possible.but nice post!

  8. TheWhacksteR says:

    btw youve got a scientology advert on ur sidebar..

  9. greene says:

    sex on a bus ?

  10. Makuluwo says:

    @Chavie- That is like my biggest fear now. πŸ˜› @chathuraw- Lmao! Disturbing. o_o @hijinx- Haha! Dude, I talk to myself on the bus too. I'm mumbling, ok pregnant lady please don't move any closer cuz your tummy's going to just completely smoosh my face onto the seat which will be highly awkward.And she has this look on her face like she's 2 minutes from reporting me to Angoda. XD@AlterEgo- Yeah that's pretty GROSS! I need to get me some pepper spray incase it ever happens.@Sig- You have no idea how long I've wanted to, man. Maybe stand on the footboard, while the tracks zoom under me!@Azrael- Haha kinda like the sleeping woman huh? @Whacko- Helpful as always. πŸ˜› @greene- No, thank you. πŸ˜›

  11. She Who Eats Cookies says:

    THE ATTACK OF THE JINKIJIKKA ALIENS!LULZ man, good stuff.An especially big LULZ at the crotch bit. JIJI

  12. Makuluwo says:

    @Sash- HAHAHA JINKIJIKKA ALIENS?! You total freak. :D@Whacko- Dude. I have no why there's scientology jazz on my page, I don't choose what ads show up. 😐

  13. TheWhacksteR says:

    er yeah i know.. was just givin u some incidentally interesting info.

  14. Jack Point says:

    Nice post.I've been using buses rather than taxis, due to high cost of living when the car is under repairs. On weekends and in the middle of the day it is fine, but impossibel during rush hour.Trains are much nicer.

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