One McJoke Burger Please?

Walked into McDonalds yesterday, been ages since I sat inside a fast food restaurant.
Things can’t have changed too dramatically since the last time no?
Or SO I THOUGHT.
click on the links in the post for a more visual understanding.

Aahh beloved burgers, it has been a while has it not? I said, before walking to the counter recalling the good old days.

When they used to paint kids’ faces and hands, and I used my wiley charms on the paintman to borrow a paintbrush (i.e. stole it when he wasn’t looking) to paint a toddler’s lower-face region entirely purple.
When I made a KFC golden chicken order at the waiter just to see his face scrunch up into a pre-sob.
When I flew down that kiddie’s slide and crashed into a flabbergasted nine year old.

Fond childhood memories. :’)
Ohwait, that was last year.

So I say to the counterlady, hey give me a chicken burger. Simple enough right?
‘Chicken burger?’ she says, utterly perplexed by such a demand. ‘There are many variants of chicken burger blahblahblah I want to bore people at the counter to death blahblahblah.’

After I give her the huh-look, she says, ‘small burger or big burger?’ while sniggering inwardly.
110 bucks is less than 200 bucks, therefore I say 110 buck burger.
So economical, we struggling paupers are.

So I take my burger back to my table and open it.
AND WHAT DO I FIND.
Two buns. A single slice of meat. Sauce. Onions.
Onions? ONIONS?!
I raise the so-called ‘burger’ and examine it, flip it around a bit, poke it, wondering if perhaps the lettuce and cheese and mayyonaise are in hiding.
No such luck.

Is this some kind of sick joke? IS IT?
If I wanted to eat a bunnis with chicken in it, I would go to the friggin chicken bunnis man, McDonalds.
Laughing at the absurdity of such a sight as a lettuce-less mayyonaise-less sesameseed-less ‘burger’, I go back to the counter and ask them if it is a joke.
Am I being punk’d, doucheba- uh I mean counterlady?

Well not really. But I suppressed the urge to do this and did this instead.
‘Well I asked you and you did order an ordinary small chicken burger, you should have said so if you wanted our McSpice somethinsomethin nanana I’m so annoying!’
So I gave her the frightening smiling-outside-but-inside-I-want-to-stab-you look and said, can I get a REAL burger then please?

Then she gave me a smile that was like..
and I finally got a normal burger, having had to pay for both it and the shitexcuseforaburger.
Srsly.