Identity Crisis

Posted: September 8, 2009 in Uncategorized

I wish
I could just
grab you
by the shoulders
and shake you
and ask you
how you could
be so cold

slap you hard
in the face
the ice would crack
and the warmth
somewhere buried
would seep out

put my fingers
into your eyes
and scrub out
that black

but I can’t
and you know it
so you smile
out of reach
you wave goodbye
I wave back

from inside your mirror.

  1. PseudoRandom says:

    oooooooh *thumbs up*

  2. mommythecook says:

    Superb !

  3. ~ lo$t $oul ~ says:

    ur making me nostalgic…someone tried the above with me yesterday and it just turned out good or bad… i dont know yet…

  4. Lady divine says:

    wow! me like this.

  5. Delilah says:

    nice one.

  6. Gadgetgirl says:

    Good shit.

  7. Chavie says:

    I liiiiike! 😀

  8. St. Fallen says:

    I see there's good reason as to why you don't write much poetry anymore 😛

  9. St. Fallen says:

    "put my fingersinto your eyesand scrub outthat blackarrogantindifferentvacantstare"good verse, the best of the poemthe second one needs just a bit of work, maybe the last few lines could be more like "melting under the warmth seeping out from inside" or something more descriptive. just a suggestion.the 4th verse is, imo, the weakest point of the poem, and the last line deserves something better backing it… so you might wanna rethink it and see if you can say it better, try to use the same rhythm and flow of the previous verse which was powerful.there, constructive enough for you? :POh and before I forgotI ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WORK!!!almost as much as Papareboy's mom:D

  10. Sigma says:

    Last line is beautiful!

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