Murder and politics.

Posted: January 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ooh scandalous title. Bet you’re expecting some awesomely cynical yet somewhat comprehensive and well read report on the current political situation and thuggery that has reigned for ye-

So instead of doing work that was due to the scarylectureman in 8 hours, in sheer procrastinator style I sat around with friends instead to discuss how I could kill him without getting caught.

Mind you, with much lost sleep, general exhaustion and copious amounts of caffiene in the blood, I cannot say that I was totally kidding about the idea at the time.

Sash suggests I hit him on the head with a pole.
Yes, no one would ever suspect foul play if I did that, especially since the only chance I’d get is in a classroom full of witnesses! facepalm.

Pavi also suggests I hit him on the head with a pole.
wtf, people? Think like a sensible serial killer pls thx.

Boogy says trip him down the stairs. He’s almost 60 years old, it might work.
Yes.. but I could get caught, since he is always followed by an annoying gayassistantman.

Sash jumps back in after recovering from the sting of my facepalm and produces the idea of switching his flask with a flask of poison, whilst getting someone to distract gayassistantman. Brilliant.

But risky; a flask carried mostly around college will narrow down the suspects to college inhabitants.

I could burn his house while he sleeps! I suggest. Bub says, you’d have to douse his house in petrol, do you have a giant hose?
That’s what she said. But really, dousing a two storey house in petrol is difficult, unless I get a helicopter first.
Helicopters are too noisy in the night.

But I could climb into the house as his shower cubicle is allegedly open to the sky, douse the inside of his house with petrol/alcohol.
Alas, either way: 1. it would require a skinny little foo’ like me to transport craploads of petrol/alcohol over that wall. 2. getting caught sneaking into the angry scarylectureman’s house by the angry scarylectureman is rly scary.

Finally Boogy suggests I use the classic Molotov cocktail method- alcohol bottles + newspaper + fire + throw at window = boomshakalaka.
Indeed, I could transport the bottles over some time to a safe spot near his house, and then once I have about 20, I could light em up one starry night.

Bub intervenes. Scarylectureman lives with an innocent manservant. Are you willing to keell the innocent manservant in this merciless fire for no crime?
Damn my conscience to hell.

So it all narrows down to 1. finish his asinine assignment and get yelled at, or 2. hit him on head with pole. Assignment or man slaughter, hmm.
Ah life’s decisions, so complex.
I shall deliberate as I stand in a queue to the ballot box today. Maybe some crazyman a la election riot will accidentally keell scarylectureman for me?
no that wasn’t me implying I am a crazyman a la election riot. curfewholiday ftw btw.

You voting? Will Sarath really bring ‘believable change’? SL politics has been met with pessimism and cynicsm ever since I can remember so I really can’t say.
But I’m voting for the fellow. Anything that’ll help flick Gayhinda out like the dirtay booger he is.
What’s up with the moustaches though, guys? Srsly.

  1. Chavie says:

    yay! SF ftw! :Dand scarylectureman, you have to kill him while he's in the bathroom… at his most vulnerable (and stinkiest) moment! :O

  2. Sigma Delta says:

    Lace your paper with a quick acting poison and hand it in, blank (remember to wear rubber gloves). When he falls down, dead, scream and accidentally set fire to the paper all the while pointing at gayassistantman shouting "you did it, you did it"; then run away.

  3. Black Rose says:

    @Sigma WOAH. That's actually very good. 😀 Kudos! Also, I remember more suggestions. BUT THIS WAS HIGH-LARIOUS! Bakakakakaa

  4. Serendib_Isle says:

    Brilliant post, not so brilliant serial killa in da makin.You need some practice.Call me.:P

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