A Valentine Story

Posted: February 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy with wings on his back who was really, really bored. He lived in the clouds with his mother who was a totally hot hippy, and his father who was always in and out of business meetings.
He was pretty neglected, what with his parents being mythological gods and all.

One day, while he was trying to decide whether to wear his white loin cloth or his grey one (the white one really brought out his complexion but little winged boys in the clouds in white loin cloths was so bourgeois at the same time), he stumbled across this awesomely golden bow and arrow.

He picked them up and went and asked his dad if he could use them. Son I’m busy being a mythical god ok gtfo, said a busy dad.
FUK U MAN!11 said the little boy, quietly in his child like voice, rosy cheeks reddening with adolescent rage. He flew over to his mother instead, wings fluttering excitedly.

Mum was braiding one of her hippy friends’ hair, while talking about love and carebears and looking gorgeous.
Mum whose bow and arrow is this?
Dude, I’m ttly busy talking about love, man. Embrace the love, feel the love, it is all around yooou. Also, white loin cloths are so last season, son.
WTF mum. WTF. said the little boy. He hovered away, one hand doing the facepalm, and the other clutching the bow and arrow tightly in his pudgy fist.

Hey man, wait! said a woman’s voice behind him. It was mum’s friend with the braided hair. She was really tall.
NO OK. JUST. NO. said the little boy, planting his feet into a cloud, assuming the woman was going to narrate to him yesterday’s episode of The Carebears.
Chill, maaan. I’ve seen that bow and arrow before, it’s a gift your mum got when she was little. At a frat party.
Really? said the little boy, looking over at his mum.
She was doing the MC Hammer dance.
She’s been smoking some crazy shit, son. said the tall lady. Anyway, do you wanna know what the bow and arrow does or not?
Yeah, wut.
Well you see those People down there?
Yeah.. said the boy, squinting down at the People thousands of miles below their cloud, running around like little ants.
Well, that bow and arrow was given to your mother by my cousin Pan.
What a gay name.
It’s short for Pandora, fgt. She likes messing with the People. You hit one with that arrow and BAM.
It’ll start a revolution. Soon the male People will be compelled to get their female lovers cheesy inane things like flowers and bad poetry or just stuff they can’t afford and the female ones will turn into raging ninjas of doom if they don’t.
Wow, it lasts forever? Every day?
EVERY DAY, if you like hit them with maximum dosage that is.
Dosage? It’s an arrow.
WITH an inbuilt system of tiny invisible nanobullets. We’re gods, not hobos from Georgia.
Harsh. Yet AWESOME. But.. if any of us up here go down there, we can’t come back right?
Technically. Wodeva. Just thought you should know kbye.
And with that, the tall lady gallopped away on her cloud-pony.
Cloud-pony? thought the little boy. Who’s the nutjob writing this story?
The thought of toying with a jillion People to kill his perpetual boredom was tempting. But.. despite his parents being neglectful buttheads, he did love them-

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know- mum was singing Britney Spears. Facepalm.
Ah fuck it. he jumped off the cloud and felt the air rushing through his hair as he zoomed closer to the ground.

He found a female target. POW POW. Two bullets to the jugular.
WHY DIDNT YOU GET ME A BUNCH OF ROSES, YOU MOFO, she billowed at the frightened man beside her.
Dear, wut-

The little boy snickered to himself. He would keep the nanobullets to 2 per person. More could create an apocalypse.
POW POW. A man felt a light jab in his side. Suddenly he felt his blood pressure rising. He felt if he did not buy his girlfriend a box of chocolates, he would die today. He screamed like a little girl and sprinted to the nearest confectionery.

BWUHAHAHAHAAA, cackled the boy with the wings. The World is his playground, and today… Today, he thought, aiming at the butt of his next victim, is Valentines Day.

  1. Chavie says:

    "DON'T DEARWUT ME, I KILL U."hahaha 😀

  2. Serendib_Isle says:

    LMAO! Maks, this is brilliant! Purely judging by the wicked sense of humour, you are not related to the winged-boy by any chance, are you?

  3. Sigma says:

    I ain't asking questions, i ain’t waiting for answers, if I see a little kid with wings, a bow and a loin cloth, say good bye, he’s history

    @ Serendib_ Isle – thats a question I’ve dared not voice!

  4. Makuluwo says:

    Thanks, Serendib, maybe I AM! MWUHahahahaa!

  5. Angel says:

    Oooh, new site! Easier to read… 🙂

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