The lolwut tale of the tuk-tuk noob.

Posted: February 25, 2010 in Uncategorized

I like how exciting my blog titles sound.

I don’t know why you hire tuk-tuks but I hire tuk-tuks because of smart driving. By smart I don’t mean they follow the rules and stay safe, but the exact opposite of that, to get you to where you gotta be as soon as possible.

So there I was, hopping out of bed too-late-for-buses and making a run for it in regular fashion (ref. Aishwarya incident), telling the tuk-tuk man to hit the accelerator machang.

Every now and then, we have those gay days when people do the exact opposite of what you tell them to do. Whether this is either karma’s fault or if the said people are just being douches, is yet to be determined.

And that is how I found myself in the passenger seat of a tuk-tuk driven at 45 km/h and staying in his respective line, insolently disobeying the obvious mandate #1 of the Tuk-tuk Driving Manual: be too cool for traffic lines. If I wanted to move at 45 km/h and stay in this line whilst there is so much space on the sides to cut through and fly out illegally through that junction, tuk-tuk man, I would buy a paranoid female my mother a tuk-tuk and she would be my tuk-tuk man. Do I look like someone who is going to ask my mother to be my tuk-tuk man? DO I.

I said all this on the inside of course, while my face just did Da Face. But when I already was half an hour late and he slowed down in front of a pedestrian crossing and waited for people to walk onto the pavement and make it over the crossing (as opposed to being a real tuk-tuk driver and speeding past the crossing before they have the chance), it was the last straw. I finally blurted out, ‘monadha bung magey aachi vagey drive karandepa!’ (please drive faster, kind sir!).

The man was hurt. He looked like he was going to cry. All he wanted to do was to be a good civilian and carry his passengers safely from place to place in order to earn money for his family, and here was this mean kid comparing him to her grandm- uh I mean asking him to drive faster kind sir. Tragic. Words cannot express how.. little I care. He ripped some real rubber henceforth in his fit of silent invisible tears and soon I came to my stop.

Thanks man, I said. And complimented him on that orange-light he skipped, smooth move. And that classic cut he made from 10th rank in the traffic line to 2nd, despite the guy we cut giving us Da Face. Tuk-tuk Noob’s face lit up at these statements. Some day, Obiwan, I said, some day you will have your dream, you will be a real tuk-tuk driver, with pride and hope in my eyes.

Mokak? he said.

Mokak indeed, Obiwan. Mokak indeed.

  1. muffinn ol muffin says:

    mad pixie you yes……

  2. Sabby says:

    Kind sir, my foot

    Funny stuff 😀

  3. Chavie says:

    HAHAHAHAHA! I can just imagine you saying the grandma phrase! woot! lol 😀

  4. Angel says:

    hillarious! I nearly splurted coffee all over the screen!

  5. lovely writing. And nice cat face (wanted to use the other word for cat, but wasn’t sure of its morality:D)

  6. Seesaw says:

    again- hilarious.

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