Archive for February, 2010

A Valentine Story

Posted: February 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy with wings on his back who was really, really bored. He lived in the clouds with his mother who was a totally hot hippy, and his father who was always in and out of business meetings.
He was pretty neglected, what with his parents being mythological gods and all.

One day, while he was trying to decide whether to wear his white loin cloth or his grey one (the white one really brought out his complexion but little winged boys in the clouds in white loin cloths was so bourgeois at the same time), he stumbled across this awesomely golden bow and arrow.

He picked them up and went and asked his dad if he could use them. Son I’m busy being a mythical god ok gtfo, said a busy dad.
FUK U MAN!11 said the little boy, quietly in his child like voice, rosy cheeks reddening with adolescent rage. He flew over to his mother instead, wings fluttering excitedly.

Mum was braiding one of her hippy friends’ hair, while talking about love and carebears and looking gorgeous.
Mum whose bow and arrow is this?
Dude, I’m ttly busy talking about love, man. Embrace the love, feel the love, it is all around yooou. Also, white loin cloths are so last season, son.
WTF mum. WTF. said the little boy. He hovered away, one hand doing the facepalm, and the other clutching the bow and arrow tightly in his pudgy fist.

Hey man, wait! said a woman’s voice behind him. It was mum’s friend with the braided hair. She was really tall.
NO OK. JUST. NO. said the little boy, planting his feet into a cloud, assuming the woman was going to narrate to him yesterday’s episode of The Carebears.
Chill, maaan. I’ve seen that bow and arrow before, it’s a gift your mum got when she was little. At a frat party.
Really? said the little boy, looking over at his mum.
She was doing the MC Hammer dance.
She’s been smoking some crazy shit, son. said the tall lady. Anyway, do you wanna know what the bow and arrow does or not?
Yeah, wut.
Well you see those People down there?
Yeah.. said the boy, squinting down at the People thousands of miles below their cloud, running around like little ants.
Well, that bow and arrow was given to your mother by my cousin Pan.
What a gay name.
It’s short for Pandora, fgt. She likes messing with the People. You hit one with that arrow and BAM.
BAM?
It’ll start a revolution. Soon the male People will be compelled to get their female lovers cheesy inane things like flowers and bad poetry or just stuff they can’t afford and the female ones will turn into raging ninjas of doom if they don’t.
Wow, it lasts forever? Every day?
EVERY DAY, if you like hit them with maximum dosage that is.
Dosage? It’s an arrow.
WITH an inbuilt system of tiny invisible nanobullets. We’re gods, not hobos from Georgia.
Harsh. Yet AWESOME. But.. if any of us up here go down there, we can’t come back right?
Technically. Wodeva. Just thought you should know kbye.
And with that, the tall lady gallopped away on her cloud-pony.
Cloud-pony? thought the little boy. Who’s the nutjob writing this story?
The thought of toying with a jillion People to kill his perpetual boredom was tempting. But.. despite his parents being neglectful buttheads, he did love them-

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know- mum was singing Britney Spears. Facepalm.
Ah fuck it. he jumped off the cloud and felt the air rushing through his hair as he zoomed closer to the ground.

He found a female target. POW POW. Two bullets to the jugular.
WHY DIDNT YOU GET ME A BUNCH OF ROSES, YOU MOFO, she billowed at the frightened man beside her.
Dear, wut-
DON’T DEARWUT ME, I KILL U.

The little boy snickered to himself. He would keep the nanobullets to 2 per person. More could create an apocalypse.
POW POW. A man felt a light jab in his side. Suddenly he felt his blood pressure rising. He felt if he did not buy his girlfriend a box of chocolates, he would die today. He screamed like a little girl and sprinted to the nearest confectionery.

BWUHAHAHAHAAA, cackled the boy with the wings. The World is his playground, and today… Today, he thought, aiming at the butt of his next victim, is Valentines Day.

Giving it all away.

Posted: February 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

All my stuff – clothes, books, shoes, miscellaneous blah – everything but a few Ts, jeans and a pair of flats, is hereby up for grabs.
EVEN THE CONVERSE SNEAKERS, MAKS?
Even the converse sneakers.
Sashi‘s already called dibs on the cam and Sabby on the phone.

Reactions to this declaration of ‘EVERYTHING I OWN IS URS IF U WANT K’ has ranged from ‘WTF I WANT YER SHOES’ and ‘you fucking hippy!’
Friends are demanding explanations and parents are squinting at me suspiciously and aunties are facepalming.

Why is everyone so appalled and surprised and nnnnggg-ey over the idea of giving all your things away?
“But it’s eeeeverything! It’s all your awesome, awesome stuuuuff! What will you do without themmm! O_O” said flabbergastedlady.
They’re just thingz, stfu.
I just woke up two days ago, and realized that. And that although they’re all very nice and awl, I don’t need or RLY want any of it.

Mum offered to take me on a shopping spree today, cuz yes, today marks the 20th year of my tyrannical existence on earth- and I said, no that’s okai.
In December my reaction would have approximately been, ‘YES PLS I KILL U IF U DUN TAKE ME NAO THX.’ Needless to say, mum is now still eyeing me suspiciously from across the hall.

It’s sorta freeing and I somehow feel.. lighter, not having thingz to obsess about and needing nothing but good company and music and a coupla fun memories. And notwantingsobad that absurdly expensive pair of blah in the shop window.
I dunno what happened but it happened.
Is it the sleep deprivation talking? Have I found enlightenment? Am I turning into a tree hugging hippy (O NOEZ)?
No idea. But it feels good.

Juju want a home.

Posted: February 3, 2010 in Uncategorized

hi I am Juju. teh lonely puppy.
yes ok I am not exactly lonely but that is besides the point. me and my siblingz and my mother woz living happily on the roadside near orsumlady’s college (I talk about orsumlady later).
but then yesterday kakkiman in stupid jeep killed my brudda. I and my mother and my siblingz and orsumlady and orsumlady’s friends saw the whole thing. :C
Juju sad.

Juju don’t want to die. Juju too pretty and fuzzy to die. see how Juju speak in third person, it make Juju sound slightly creepy becoz Tarzan talk in third person too, but Juju’s face is too cute to be creepy so it sound cute rly.
besides Juju’s obvius charm and erratic grammr problemz, Juju is also very cuddleh and loving like a fun monkey. Juju is only a few months old and have not yet seen monkey but orsumlady, whose blog I am using for this message to hoomans, says they are cool. she also say somethin random bout himal’s mother being fat but Juju not understand.

anyway. pls give a home to Juju, that is me, the puppy staring with silly face at you in above area on the left. or any of my other siblingz or my mother. we might not be colombo 7 dogs, all posh and barkey and stuff, but we are totally huggable and disease free. this is coz orsumlady will take care of vet or vaccinashun stuffs when you adopt us.

I would like to live with orsumlady coz she so orsum but she is putting cat in her home. Juju hate cat. I eat cat for breakfast. ok I eat sausage bunnis and occashunaly the mushy biskit or two for breakfast but you get whattimean.

Juju is happy for nao. but Juju don’t want me or mummy or siblingz to be ended under jeep wheel. it will suck. so pls consider thx.

love,
Juju