Marriage in the world of sri lankan conservatives has become like shopping for goods, just read the sunday marriage proposal columns. I read them for the lols, much funnier than the comic strips some days.
I can just imagine a conversation between the couple and guests at some future dinner party…
Suresh: Ah so how did you and Sara meet, Gehan?
Gehan: Oh it was romantic no, Sara? It was a sunday evening..
Sara: Mother was opening up the newspapers! Reading each paragraph in the proposal column…
Gehan: Until her eyes stopped at my ad! Her heart skipped a beat on Sara’s behalf as she read the words tall, handsome, teetotaller.
Sara: Oh the font was Times New Roman! *swoon*
These guys should step it up a notch in the future. I mean if they’re going to be mundane about it, might as well think big yeah?
Can I help you, ma’am?
Oh, I’m looking for something that’s preferably between 5’7′ and 6′ tall, around 30 years old, nice looking and says its prayers.
I see, what hue?
Fair is good, little bit of tan is also ok.
Lovely. Is it a product for yourself?
No no, for my daughter.
Ah please fill in this advertisment form with your daughter’s characteristics as well, we need to run it by in our database to find a suitable product match. 1000 rupees per commercial.
Of course.. well she’s pretty.. can’t cook I’m afraid-
No no, ma’am, that’s not how it works, we try not to put negative aspects in our commercials, doesn’t sell well no then?
Ahh yes, but then won’t consumers want to know-
No no, we are merely stating their strong points and.. not mentioning their flaws, it’s not like we’re lying. It’s how advertising works.
Ok ok.. fair, slim, 5’5′, very pleasant.
I’m sure we will be able to find a suitable counterpart. How will you be paying for it?
20 perches of land and an automobile.
Very attractive! This won’t take long.
How long will the transaction take then?
A few weeks approximately, ma’am.
Make sure it doesn’t smoke or drink and was made in February too ah.
Duly noted. Our products don’t have guarantees though. But if you aren’t satisfied, you may stop by for another one.
Good good.. I have a son also, too young, might need one for him too in the future. Haven’t thought of advertising his particulars so far.
Yes, here’s a brochure with our wonderful array of female options advertised by other parents.
Ah what is this index for?
The lists are separated by colour and race and price, ma’am.
You can take a look at it over there in the seats next to that Fair and Lovely billboard.
Hey why’s there a Fair and Lovely billboard in the waiting room?
We’ve got a contract with them now, ma’am, the customers here at Husbands & Wives R US are crazy about the stuff.