Archive for July, 2010

Going Sane

Posted: July 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

pic by m0thyyku

Matter is a fluid

And I’m floating in it

Swimming through

Slow motion

Do birds swim too?

Because there’s a little pretty pigeon

A pretty, pretty pigeon

A technicolor pigeon on my shoulder

It’s saying lalala, just like that

La la la, bobbing its feather hat

I’m just kidding!

About the feather hat

But oh it’s flying away

The dropping it left behind

Smells like reality

Everything is slow

Slow and easy

Like a snail from outerspace

Time is moving

Sluggish pace

Colours tickle my ears

They’re wearing funny little coats

Soft and clean cut, like silence

And I’m cocooned in a pocket

In the jacket of my mind

The jacket’s yellow and conspicuous

Next to my boring linens

And my sensible cottons

But it’s my favourite jacket

And oh how comfy it is

Inside its pocket

I can hear the pigeon lalala’ing

It’s going to shit all over my jacket!

Dammit 

I swim around and tug the jacket to the back

It won’t find us back here

It’s slower back here

My ears are bigger back here

‘Cause you see, it has to be

The colours are louder back here

But I’ve swum so back here

Till the linens and cottons are gone

And all that’s there is the clothing rail

Where are we?

I’m lost.

.

.

.

Stupid pigeon.

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Teh Helmet of Cool.

Posted: July 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Hasn’t it been ages since I posted something! Yes, almost 2 weeks is ages in spideyblogland.

I have my year end theory exams in nine days. And I’m supposed to be studying.

studying n. (verb): not constantly ordering cupcakes for teh fun, not watching awesome reruns of Dexter’s Lab and Mummies Alive on local TV, not royally screwing up body clock by sleeping at odd times and making grilled cheese sandwiches at 2AM, and definitely not perpetually procrastinating the simple act of organizing lesson notes.  

Needless to say, ‘study leave’ has got me doing everything that is the opposite of studying.

I find the idea of exams very primitive- you know, you’re expected to open library borrowed text books and the things you scribble down in class and read them, tediously, memorizing and cramming most, and then you’re made to sit at a table and you’re asked questions about what you read and you write down the answers with your Atlas chooti.

In my head the whole thing sounds utterly last century. All this nonsensical fuss over cramming facts into your brain just to pour it out onto paper so some man can correct it with his red pen, how long have we been doing that, man? It’s so surface-study, it’s so unreliable and inane. I see a future where.. there shall be a helmet.

helmet girl by petergabrielmurphy

This helmet will really be a computer.. think, mother board installed into plastic helmet instead of plastic CPU. The helmet will carry all the knowledge in the WURLD, or like, just one year’s college syllabus or whatever, in the form of 3D visual and audial clips.
I think real impact is made on the brain and on the memory through all your senses, and barely through just reading your notes aloud to yourself.. which is a sure way to put me to sleep rly. SO, the helmet will have inbuilt ear phones and snazzay things over your eyes that go by the same concept used in 3D virtual experience tours and games (you know, you wear them and you see aliens running in front of you and you grab your gun and shoot them but you look like an idiot flailing around in real life) to make your notes a real experience to the eyes and ears.

The brain is actually gullible and researchers say that more often than not, since all senses are connected, if your eyes and ears tell your brain they’re looking at and listening to, I dunno, the journey of the Titanic (History lesson 101), the brain relays to the body that it should feel the experience too. After the first hour, if in the HELMET OF COOL virtual simulation it starts raining (when ze Titanic is in stormy weather and all), the visual and audial perception can trigger your senses to experience the smell of rain and feel the tingle of it on your skin too.

…pretty much making all your helmet lessons unforgettable almost real experiences. o_O

The helmet of cool will naturally have pause, rewind and fast forward buttons, and a variety of options of lessons and chapters within, like a customized piece of awesome. Soon the helmet of cool will also be exploited as a tool of playing games when you’re bored, so kids will either be playing Doom on their helmet or watching The Life of Picasso on it for their art exam the next day – and parents everywhere will get all, O NOEZ TEH HELMET HAS MADE MY CHILD ADDIKTED!111

And you know, prolonged visual and audial exposure to these virtual things can lead to you waking up at night and your brain, so accustomed to the 3D History lesson experience you were having for the past 4 hours, will make you see Napolean Bonapart in your bedroom. Which is kinda freaky.

But whatever, man. The helmet of cool will pwn all. Of course, before it actually happens, whatever country starts it will have to get super rich to provide that sort of technology on a mass scale (I’m thinking the middle east will start what with their oilrigsy richness).

And this will all obviously come into play when I’m all grown up and taking over the world with my charm and charisma and moneyz and my private set of scientists making cool prototypes in my underground laboratory. I’m not sure why it will be underground, it just sounds cooler that way.

Till then though.. it’s back to cupcakes and cartoons and procrastination, and tedious manual cramming just 52 hours before the exam paper. Sigh.

I went for it last night. The annual one, occasionally known as the All Island Best Speakers Contest.
There’s always a coupla finalists every year who drill a hole through the thick wall between optimist and cheese lasagna.

Note to future contestants: mentioning sad little disabled kids singing happy songs and thus bringing joy and hope to the world, in your speech, hoping to impress the judges and audience, is insulting to their intelligence.
It is insult to injury when you throw your arms in the air and say something you think is spiritually inspirational with wide eyes and a dramatic grin bordering on creepy.