Teh Helmet of Cool.

Posted: July 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Hasn’t it been ages since I posted something! Yes, almost 2 weeks is ages in spideyblogland.

I have my year end theory exams in nine days. And I’m supposed to be studying.

studying n. (verb): not constantly ordering cupcakes for teh fun, not watching awesome reruns of Dexter’s Lab and Mummies Alive on local TV, not royally screwing up body clock by sleeping at odd times and making grilled cheese sandwiches at 2AM, and definitely not perpetually procrastinating the simple act of organizing lesson notes.  

Needless to say, ‘study leave’ has got me doing everything that is the opposite of studying.

I find the idea of exams very primitive- you know, you’re expected to open library borrowed text books and the things you scribble down in class and read them, tediously, memorizing and cramming most, and then you’re made to sit at a table and you’re asked questions about what you read and you write down the answers with your Atlas chooti.

In my head the whole thing sounds utterly last century. All this nonsensical fuss over cramming facts into your brain just to pour it out onto paper so some man can correct it with his red pen, how long have we been doing that, man? It’s so surface-study, it’s so unreliable and inane. I see a future where.. there shall be a helmet.

helmet girl by petergabrielmurphy

This helmet will really be a computer.. think, mother board installed into plastic helmet instead of plastic CPU. The helmet will carry all the knowledge in the WURLD, or like, just one year’s college syllabus or whatever, in the form of 3D visual and audial clips.
I think real impact is made on the brain and on the memory through all your senses, and barely through just reading your notes aloud to yourself.. which is a sure way to put me to sleep rly. SO, the helmet will have inbuilt ear phones and snazzay things over your eyes that go by the same concept used in 3D virtual experience tours and games (you know, you wear them and you see aliens running in front of you and you grab your gun and shoot them but you look like an idiot flailing around in real life) to make your notes a real experience to the eyes and ears.

The brain is actually gullible and researchers say that more often than not, since all senses are connected, if your eyes and ears tell your brain they’re looking at and listening to, I dunno, the journey of the Titanic (History lesson 101), the brain relays to the body that it should feel the experience too. After the first hour, if in the HELMET OF COOL virtual simulation it starts raining (when ze Titanic is in stormy weather and all), the visual and audial perception can trigger your senses to experience the smell of rain and feel the tingle of it on your skin too.

…pretty much making all your helmet lessons unforgettable almost real experiences. o_O

The helmet of cool will naturally have pause, rewind and fast forward buttons, and a variety of options of lessons and chapters within, like a customized piece of awesome. Soon the helmet of cool will also be exploited as a tool of playing games when you’re bored, so kids will either be playing Doom on their helmet or watching The Life of Picasso on it for their art exam the next day – and parents everywhere will get all, O NOEZ TEH HELMET HAS MADE MY CHILD ADDIKTED!111

And you know, prolonged visual and audial exposure to these virtual things can lead to you waking up at night and your brain, so accustomed to the 3D History lesson experience you were having for the past 4 hours, will make you see Napolean Bonapart in your bedroom. Which is kinda freaky.

But whatever, man. The helmet of cool will pwn all. Of course, before it actually happens, whatever country starts it will have to get super rich to provide that sort of technology on a mass scale (I’m thinking the middle east will start what with their oilrigsy richness).

And this will all obviously come into play when I’m all grown up and taking over the world with my charm and charisma and moneyz and my private set of scientists making cool prototypes in my underground laboratory. I’m not sure why it will be underground, it just sounds cooler that way.

Till then though.. it’s back to cupcakes and cartoons and procrastination, and tedious manual cramming just 52 hours before the exam paper. Sigh.

  1. Sach says:

    Wonder how it’d look like if someone chose to see… say… porn on it.

  2. Angel says:

    Yes, trust Sach to be the first to come up with that one. it’ll mean you’re a lzr who prefers the visual, auditory and tactile experience of helmet porn to the real thing… 🙂

  3. Dee says:

    uh huh. anyhoo i heart Mummies Alive !

  4. Hisham says:

    OH SNAP! @what angel just did to sach.. lol

  5. saintmuffin says:

    woman where the hell are you…fell good sharing your madness after ages..long time since we jabbed reallymiss you man and yah!!!procastinate!!!just like the way we were in pasale!!!!take careis the godaya from indi

  6. Era says:

    Now this was a really priceless post! Keep them coming! 🙂

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