A Parenting Book Authored by a Kid?

Posted: August 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

My pretties! It’s been some time since I’ve felt the need to blog, to vent if you will.

I’ve been horribly preoccupied with exams (die exams DIEEE!) and after mindless cramming and lots of substance abuse (redbull) I have come out alive and jobless at the other end.

Two months of holidays. And I am going to use it to write a book.  

Ok ok, I know what you’re thinking, yeaahhh right man this is like that last time you said you’re going to write awesome stories for children, or that time you said you were gonna eat an entire raw tomato in a minute for 200 bucks. Well, mister or missis smartypantaloons, I actually did one of those things! And also, that is totally besides the point!  

I’m thinking the book will be like one of those How To books, and something akin to the human psych since I have such an unnatural fascination with how people’s minds work. These are the options I’ve got so far:

1. The Failbook Of Parenting – how not to parent a child, a sort of backhanded informative guideline for Sri Lankan parents to show them how bullshit moves they think are brilliant and parently can totally mess their kids up. Totally pretentious I know, seeing as the most experience I’ve had of parenthood is cleaning off Caesar’s poo (diapers would be so much easier, I swear), but it’ll be from the perspective of a teenager (I’m 20 but screw you) since to know successful parenting, you need to know how teenagers function and react to parenting.   

2. How To Deal With Emos – stupid emos, they’re everywhere, cramping up my style, quoting bad poetry and shit. I’m going to attempt to not be an asshole and dissect the Emo Mind in as much a lack of condescending attitude as I can muster, and present a step by step means by which one may deal with an emo responsibly. Do not keell the emo, understand the emo; do not shout at emo, but ask why and counter their argument so that they may see the gay in their melancholy ways.

3. How To Deal With Jerks – how to tackle the common jerk, hardcore jerks and the worst kind, jerks who don’t think they’re being jerks. This includes everyone that might fit the definition from just people who say mean stuff but don’t mean it to the pricks who are mean with a smiley face =) to just big monster bullies of doom. They’re all human, and anything human can be analyzed, the origin of its behaviour found, and manipulated in a way to achieve some sort of ends; ideally, in the case of a jerk, the ends are stfu or gtfo.

4. How To Train Your Pet To Become A Killing Machine – yeah. Epic stuff, I’m not giving anything away till the draft is done.

Which one shall I go with first? Right now I’m leaning towards Failbook of Parenting because of the urgency I see all around me from so many parents failing so bad at cooperating with the little folks. It’s like watching Caesar repeatedly jump into the glass shutter after putting him in the car to go to the vet’s (so funny btw).

You’d think someone would have written a guide or a manual already? A coupla simple rules for dummies? Like, do not yell at your kid ‘don’t do that or I kill u!’ because that is direct incentive to do it? Seriously, parents. Stop making me facepalm.

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Comments
  1. Me-shak says:

    How To Train Your Pet To Become A Killing Machine. So many to kill.

    All the best with that.

    And sorry for not commenting during the past few weeks, was crazy busy.

    Cheers!

  2. DUUDE, tell me you’re actually serious about this , tell me tell me 😀 I’d love it if you were serious and went the whole 9 yards with this 😀

  3. AmethystSoul says:

    The Failbook, please. PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON TOP 😀

  4. Anticipation says:

    haha cant wait to read whatever it is that u choose to do 😛
    teh emo one made me lulz hard at least its good to know someone else feels that way -_- personally i couldnt be bothered trying to understand em id just throw some razor blades at their heads and hope that they would jst carry out their threats n keeeell themselves -_-

  5. T says:

    LOL i vote for how to deal with emos. I have a desperate need for that handbook.

  6. Penny says:

    how to deal with jerks..plssss….i really need that…good luck…sounds ever soo much fun..:))

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