The Spider Has Been Silenced

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

pic by royalheartinhands

As Fate’s and God’s and all that jazz’s wicked sense of humour would have it, I have been made mute.

It started out as a walk in the rain. I had an umbrella open this time! Which is such a rarity, you see. So I was thinking, look at me, using the umbrella like a good girl.

I get home and I get the flu, which I don’t usually get. Ironic! Har har.

It’s a little cold, which tumbles into a cough, a mild sore throat.
And I start sounding like, you know, one of those husky voiced women who smoke too many ciggies. People liked it and all.

Then BAM, it went from nicotine addict lounge singer to the Cookie  Monster.
You laugh now, but if you could have only heard. I swear, when I said OM NOM NOM, the resemblance was uncanny.

Gradually, my voice started drowning in what was probably phlegm settling down in my throat or something. I’m not really sure what it is, because I don’t feel very phlegm-ey.

At its final stage, I lost my voice completely, and could whisper stuff. Which made me always seem like I was telling a secret.

Me: Psssttt.. PSSTT.. I’m hungry..

Person: Uhh.. ookaay..*feels awkward and gets shifty eyed*

When I tried to say something with more emphasis than whispering expresses, I sounded like that guy from the Mafia with the really soft barely heard husky voice, he’s like, Why you do this to me salviano? Why? I am like a father to you! *puts hand on salviano’s cheek*

Yeah I said that a few times to random people. It was fun.

The rest of the time I had cue cards. I kid you not. I had one that said ‘hi. I lost my voice. ):’ and one that said ‘BASTARDS.’ and one that said ‘LOL.’ and one that said ‘make me a sandwich’ and one that said ‘i ❤ u’ with a smiley face inside the heart and stuff reserved for yo mama.

I am not making this shizz up, ask one of my homies. I mean, what are you gonna do if you have to go out without a voice? Cue cards are awesome fun, man. I don’t know if I’m going to stop using them after I get my voice back.

This morning I gargled salt water a lot though, because I can’t answer my phone and that’s a drag. I think I’ve got a tenth of my voice back.

But I have to say, being silent has been rather awesome. My mum hates me sneaking up quietly behind her and then whispering creepily, dad loves my little cue cards and makes me hotdogs because he feels like I’m invalid, my friends lol more with my cue cards and mime facial expressions, and for some reason, I’ve been feeling a surge of creative energy and energy in general. O_O Perhaps the body wastes a lot of energy on talking alone.

Whatever it is, I’ll miss not having a voice when it comes back. Think I might pretend it’s gone every now just to have an excuse to pull out a cue card that says ‘LOL.’

  1. Jack Point says:


    Nothing like making the best of things to keep the spirit going. Beats wallowing in self pity anytime.

  2. black says:

    haha cue cards. genius! XD “LOL”

  3. Chavie says:

    Maybe it’s not phlegm. Maybe it’s nastyalienpoobabies growing in your throat! 😯

  4. Chavie says:

    also kindly bring cue cards to next meetup! 😀

  5. Me-shak says:

    Hoe you get better soon.


  6. AmethystSoul says:

    You missed out the ‘*facepalm*’ one 😛

  7. Gehan says:

    cue cards ftw! lol

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