Fish Tanks: WHY?

Posted: January 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

We have a fish tank at home, with goldfish and a fake fishville garden and all. They just swim around and stuff. Yeah.

My mum got the fish tank and the fish and says they’re her ‘pets.’ I don’t get it. They don’t fit any of my very basic personal pet requirements.

1. You can’t hug or kiss them. Even pet boa constrictors can be hugged.

2. You can’t pet them. Pets are meant to be petted, sorry, fish.

3. They don’t show affection or react to you in any way. Unless you bang on the glass. Or stick your face on the glass (that really freaks them out).

4. You can’t even tell if they’re sad or happy. Stupid fish with their frozen fish faces.

fish face

Why are you so surprised, fish? Why are you always so surprised?
When you see fish food you look surprised. You see the plastic tree in your tank and look surprised. You poop and look surprised.

I think it’s because goldfish have an attention span of 4 seconds or something.
It’s like..
Omg plastic tree! :O *swim away*
*swim back* Omg plastic tree! :O *swim away*
*swim back* Omg plastic-

Yeah.

Fish are meant for eating. And maybe watching on Discovery channel if they’re being eaten by sharks or attacking each other or something exciting like that.

It is just sad that we have them in tanks just because they come in pretty colours. I would rather have a tank full of colourful floating ping pong balls with lights in them, because it’s practically the same thing, except you don’t have to feed ping pong balls and they don’t always look so damn surprised. I could even draw different facial expressions on each ping pong ball with a marker so they’d be more entertaining than a bunch of perpetually shocked fish.

My mother won’t take heed when I present her with this infallible logic though. She assumes they’re just introverts and aren’t as expressive as cats and dogs. My dad talks to them and pretends they understand, when they’re really like-

Fish 1: Dude look at that weird moustache face outside the glass. :O
Fish 2: Like woah. :O
(4 seconds later)
Fish 1: Dude look at that weird moustache face outside the glass. :O
Fish 2: Like woah. :O
etc.

Stupid fish.

the view from inside

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Comments
  1. T says:

    I reject your theory. I had a fish in college, he was awesome. Fish make great pets. They’re low maintenance and don’t require outward shows of affection.

  2. hann says:

    ha ha nice work , i agree with you. One thing though if you want something exciting introduce your cat to the fish 😛 they’ll make good friends.

  3. dee says:

    rofl. I have fish. agree with ur logic.

  4. jack ass says:

    AVE SATANAS

  5. Sigma says:

    I never quite of thought of it from this perspective – haha

  6. Gehan says:

    agreed. fish are stoopeed.

  7. Chavie says:

    fish are fishy? #lame

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