Archive for March, 2011

How To De-Stress 101

Posted: March 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

Go to a river in some woodly part of Awisawela.
Sit on the rocks, slip into the current.
Watch tiny schools of fish swimming around, ripples moving east, the jungley green changing shades at the river’s horizon.
Take in a deep breath and dive under water and come back.
And you will be too busy marveling at how your face can feel so hot under the sun while the rest of your body stays so cold in the river at the same time, to think of anything else that was on your mind for the past couple of months.

Yep, that should do it.

It’s been a tiring month. It was time to do something, I decided, sipping on thambili from a coconut on a beach with some friends on Sunday.

I usually get into ‘it’s time to do something’ mode when I realize I haven’t had absolute unadulterated frolicky fun in a while, and in the past it’s resulted in things like prancing through some meadow in Bentota or a train trip out of town – and on particularly busy weeks when you can’t afford to spend the day travelling outside the city, I’ve settled for a lazy day with the trees in the park, or candy floss and dodgem cars at Sathutuyana, or a movie at MC.

But man, this week, they’re playing Gnomeo and Juliet at MC, Sanctum at Savoy (both of which are, according to reliable sources, predictably ridiculously crappy), I don’t remember what’s playing on Liberty which means it’s not something worth watching either, the park and Sathutuyana have been visited too often as it is, the only thing to do at coffee shops is eat (too broke for that anyway) and talk and leave, and I am way too broke for some retail therapy at the bookstore.

So after going home on Sunday and after the usual ‘why is there nothing to do in Colombo?’ whining, I remember someone having mentioned Prokarting in Pelawatte. Tiny fast cars on a race track, HMMM.

Monday had been a dick to me, Flailer and Angrylady. A lot of it had to do with the horrible afternoon heat and tuk-tuk drivers being assholes. ‘Close your eyes and walk away, Flailer,’ I say, because Flailer has green-grey eyes and fair skin (grandma’s a dutch mix or something) which makes her really inconvenient to have around when negotiating prices with cocky tuk drivers who have rupee signs in their eyes when they see a sudda (which she isn’t even). Flailer is used to this new standard protocol and obliges.

Finally, we get a nice nondickhead tuk guy (after 1st meter tuk guy yells and leaves for making him wait for 10 minutes – what a drama queen – and the 2nd one passes our stop and turns and comes back and tries to charge extra for his retardedness – I told him to go cry in a corner about it) and head off to Speedrome in Pelawatte, swearing all the way.

We’d planned to get there by 1pm but what with all the day’s faggotry, we got there at around 4 – which was awesome, we found, when we looked at the board that said HAPPY HOURS: Monday 3pm to 8pm – Rs. 500 per ticket instead of the usual Rs. 750. Woot!

So I skipped around and lalala-ed a little about how it’s a divine miracle that all the dickyness of the day had happened for a reason, till I was stared down by the other two into stopping. Such haters.

Pro karting is the awesomest.

1. Speeding is a great way to blow off steam.
2. They give you gloves, I got fingerless Spiderman gloves, LOLWUTYAY.
3. I got a badass jacket too and didn’t have to wear the stupid showercap under my helmet – both because of my shawl. Flailer and Angrylady didn’t let me take pictures of them in their showercaps and lackofjackets lest they are posted to the hall of shame on facebook the next day.
4. I think it lasts for 15 minutes but it’s so much fun that it feels like 30.
5. Speeding and swerving at the corners is like the racing track equivalent of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking someone.
6. Dude, 500 rupees for wearing a badass helmet, jacket, fingerless gloves and going super fast down a race track? So worth it.
7. There’s a KFC that’s 50-rupees-in-a-tuk away from the place, so we went and had chicken and ice cream afterwards. Omnomnom.

The icing on the cake was when I looked at the Best Laptime sheet that they give you after racing around. Oh yeah. Needless to say I was all,

like an excited giggly fool for an hour after that. Flailer and Angrylady were not pleased because the hyperlols were contagious and were taking over their brains. The awesome 40 rupee takes-forever-to-finish ice cream at KFC did not help.

Anyway, it is now my new goal in life to get rich just to set up my own prokarting race track and prokart the crap out of it. Haven’t gone kart racing yet? DO IT. It will blow your mind. Or at least turn you into an irritatingly happy person flailing all over the place for the next 24 hours.

A Day At The Kanatte

Posted: March 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

There’s something very serene about the Borella Kanatte during the day. It’s actually an awesome place to picnic if it weren’t so awkward to tell people ‘hey I’m gonna go eat a sandwich in a graveyard.’

Tall trees, wide trees, leafless ones, ones that break out from the ground and topple tombstones, and lots of flowers – so much life growing on human fertilizer. And it’s quiet despite being next to the busy road, as if the city just stops at the gate.

Two friends and I walked around taking pictures of the greenery, the rows of death wrapped up in neat square concrete boundaries, the stone statues of angels looking deep in thought, the odd white crane camera-shy and hopping around the graves with its little bird feet. For a place where dead people go, it’s actually not even remotely creepy or sad, on the contrary it’s full of life and light.

I’m sure most of you have been there at some point or another to see someone being lowered to the ground but just go to take a leisurely stroll one day. Maybe don’t tell people too much about it though because it’s usually socially unwise to say you take leisurely strolls through graveyards and someone will quite possibly put their hand on your shoulder, furrow their brows, and say very slowly, ‘Hey. Are you okay man?’

If this does happen though, just say, ‘Are any of us?’ and look into the middle distance, because that’s funnier than saying yes.