Random blogpost: I read you like a book!

Posted: May 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

Woah I haven’t posted anything in more than 20 days. No, my blog shall not turn into another one of the dying kind! I apologize to the readership who seems to be visiting despite my insolent negligence of the blog. Samaavenna.

I guess I’m just experiencing some writer’s block, just been too busy doing boring things (i.e. anything related to work).

So what do I blog about? I feel like such a noob at this after being out of it for twenty days. Let’s see… I’m doing a short weekend diploma course in ‘abnormal and clinical psychology’ now while waiting for Delhi University to get back to me about me joining them for studies. And dude. Psychology is awesome fun. They need to make this subject compulsory in schools or something.

Because now, I read everyone. I know what they’re thinking because all humans by default (unless they went under intensive training to maintain a poker face like a tough mofo or something) show totally identical characteristic signals when they’re angry, sad, annoyed, in love etc. I know when you’re nervous or lying or you like me or hate me. I’m a super sleuth in other words.

Okay it’s not always that accurate I admit, but still. I’m like, dude do you like this girl? And dude is like, no. But I can see from his facial twitches that he is attempting to deceive me, and failing. *evil cackle*

Do you guys like the sandwiches I made? I ask for example. And everyone’s all politely like, yeah totally, shrugshrug. But their heads shake no despite their mouths saying yes and their body posture turns negative as they cross their legs and arms and lean back. HA! Liars you totally hate the sandwich. FU.

The guy next to this friend of mine spreads out his arms, runs his hands through his hair and laughs out loud at something that wasn’t that funny, totally unnecessary but just looks like he’s stretching and has an awkward sense of humour. And my friend’s voice tips a few notches higher as she asks him to pass the sauce bottle and she starts babbling in a sing-song-ey voice while absent mindedly toying with her hair, which just makes her seem like an average hyperactive teenage girl. But my super sleuthey senses are all like, omgz these two are totally unconsciously checking each other out as prospective partners.

And then I giggle to myself evilly in the corner. And they’re like, wtf makuluwo you crazy poo. Little do they know of my secret observayshuns.

So it’s no secret that people who study psychology in depth run the risk of going nuts, because they might just imagine things that aren’t there. But I’ve always been able to tell when people are going to ask each other out or going to break up or going to disapprove or going to strangle me, like an hour before it happens, because we give away so much from the way we talk, the way our eyes move, the way we place our arms and legs. And it’s as plain as seeing a dog wag its tail when it’s happy.

Human psychology is cool like that. And you’d be surprised, science and biology actually confirms things we thought we made up like ‘too much happiness can drive you insane’ (abnormal increase in dopamine [one of the things that cause euphoria] in the brain can cause an imbalance and is one of the suspected triggers of schizophrenia [when you see hallucinations and delusions]) and ‘men like hour glass figures and women like rich guys’ (in general men are biologically more prone to go for women with heavy figures and women biologically look for long term commitments with men that have a secure hold of money and name). I recommend anyone who’s interested in actually understanding the human mind better and then dealing with people around you better (instead of being all ‘wtf why you so shouty? i kill u’ at angryman you’ll be like ‘oh it’s cuz you were starved of attention as a child and you make noise now cuz you feel unattended to, come sit here and tell me of your problem, angryman, I listen to you nao, there there.’) — to subscribe to Psychology Today. Apparently it’s available at Vijitha Yapa, I stole some from the college I’m doing this course at, and it’s the shizz.

And all jokes aside, it actually does explain things like, why you didn’t get that job, how to bowl over your job interviewer, obvious signals that show somebody secretly hates your guts or is secretly in love with you, why do cupcakes make you turn into a scary chirpy fool, how to handle break ups, how to handle assholes etc. And it’s got all this psychological shit to back it up. Srsly why do people buy advice from Cosmo?

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Comments
  1. Dili says:

    Our very own Cal(lie) Lightman eh? πŸ™‚ just remember, with great power comes great responsibility πŸ˜› light side or dark? *tries to think of steps to protect self* πŸ™‚

  2. Eargazzm says:

    Reading this post made Psychology look fun. πŸ˜€
    DAMN!

  3. Chavie says:

    Hahaha. πŸ˜€ Dammit Shif, stop reading me! *puts on poker face*

  4. dee says:

    scaaryy.. :I

  5. MyAcidWords says:

    I love psych totally awesome subject the only thing that sucks is memorizing the technical terms im guessing ur doing it with dharshan has he shown u guys his crazy side yet or is he all proffesional? when he was my tutor classes were a blast!

  6. T says:

    you learnt all this in abnormal and clinical psych? :/

  7. vositha says:

    like your blog. Quite interesting. As for psychology, it drives you nuts after a while, cz you end up counselling people around you on reading their “signs”. I threw away my psychology books the day I realized that I had been counselling all my boyfriends of their childhood issues πŸ˜€

  8. hijinx says:

    Chil’ you no can read me πŸ˜› Also cupcakes!

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