Archive for June, 2012

Diabetes, Here I Come!

Posted: June 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

A poster was published some days ago on Facebook, with words on it that wrenched a tear of joy to my eye. I had been dreaming of this day all my life.

Pay 150 rupees. And eat ALL THE ICE CREAM YOU WANT. Dear god.

So there I was with a party of seven at the Majestic City food court – ready to devour all the ice cream I could between 5pm and 8pm. Flailer and I ran over to the Hub (Elephant House) and stood there in front of the cashier, like total dorky perethayas, at 4.45pm.

‘Shouldn’t there be like a starting signal for this like a gunshot or something?’ I asked Flailer as we twiddled our thumbs, anxiously waiting as the minutes approached 5pm, tensing as the icecream-hungry mob slowly grew around us. I overheard school boys who had strategically sat at a table right next to the Hub talking in Tamil, ‘See will you, with so much difficulty we got a table near the ice cream place but these two girls took our spot!’


It was quite satisfying being at the very front of a longass queue, paying our Rs. 150 each, getting our hands ink-stamped, collecting our ice cream and walking off like the cool kids. Yes, that’s totally what the cool kids do OK.

The first serving has 3 scoops, and every serving you get after that has 2 scoops each. I thought they’d let us pick which flavours we wanted, but then there were about 60 people queuing up at the time and giving preference to each person’s flavours would just take too long. So they served us variations each time, of Fruit & Nut, Vanilla, Chocolate, Mango and Strawberry. I didn’t get any Hakuru or Butter Crunch unfortunately, though I spotted those bins in the freezer. Though it was a long snake of a queue that wound right and left and sideways at all angles inside the court from the cashier to the door – thankfully, it moved fast and efficiently.

All in all, Flailer and I went about 5 rounds, and I had approximately eleven scoops of different ice cream flavours. My memory of some of the details of the evening are a blur, but I know the sugar rush took its toll and took it well. Flailer described my behaviour as the several stages of an alcoholic in a bar.

Stage 1: Beginner’s
The first cup of ice cream. Satisfying. Enough space for more.

Stage 2: Increasing hyperactivity 
High pitched cackling, wide eyed grinning, tapping the spoon on the side of the cup excitedly.

Stage 3: Delusional behaviour / spacing-out
Once, I raised my hand in the air and was like, why is it so orange… At some point I held the plastic ice cream cup with my mouth. Apparently at another time I firmly held my face between my thumb and fingers and stared into the distance for a good minute, till Flailer was like ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ and snapped me out of it. The spacing out was usually accompanied with short intervals of elfish giggling and making ambulance noises.

Stage 4: Wanting to do stupid shit
‘I want to put that motorbike helmet on my head’ I told Flailer, while standing in the queue in the food court, and then looking at the floor and laughing at it like a fool. ‘I want to poke random people in front of me in the queue but I’m restraining myself’ and ‘I want to punch somebody’ were other common lines used.

Stage 5: Doing stupid shit
Aggressive and weird behaviour. I had this sudden urge to get into a brawl. Or like chest-bump somebody. I saw some stupid boy trying to jump my line and I was all ‘EYY what is this ah?’ and he’s all ‘I’m jumping’ and I’m all ‘NO YOU AINT’ and elbowed him in the face. Ok not really, but I awkwardly pushed him out of my way. While Flailer and I were in our 5th round of serving, the ice cream man told us, ‘Hey you guys have 7 people at your table, but only 2 of you have paid 150, and you’re letting them eat from your cups, that’s not allowed, you can’t do that…’ He was only saying this ’cause he resented the loss of profit, as opposed to if all 7 of my friends paid 150 – but there’s no such thing about it in the rules on the event’s Facebook page. So I was all, ‘HEY, YOU can’t tell me who I can or can’t share my ice cream with, maaan’ and got all GANGSTA on his ass, and then left with my ice cream cup in a huff, with Flailer following closely and highly amused by my shenanigans. I also ended up drinking a cup of some funky strange potion made of Fanta, Coke, a piece of onion, chocolate fudge cake pieces and other miscellaneous items, stirred with an ice cream spoon – on a DARE. I won 250 rupees for the feat from the pockets of the audience at my table. So worth it.

Stage 6: The crash
My head and arms were on the table at some point, and I was mumbling things like, I love you guys, man, before falling totally silently into little spurts of sleep.

All in all, Elephant House’s All You Eat Ice Cream Fiesta was pretty damn awesome. They should make it an annual event. Ice cream tastes better when it’s practically free. And if you love things with sugar in it I think this is the most fun you can have for Rs. 150. Isn’t it awesome how there’s no legal limit to the amount of sugar we consume?! I mean, it turned me into a little maniac, waving her spoon around in the air in the middle of a food court and making helicopter noises… and I could still ask for two scoops more please.

1. Dancing and singing in my own room.
2. There’s always plenty of food in the fridge for a midnight snack.
3. Shampoo or toothpaste is over? No problem, a new tube will magically reappear the next day.
4. Having a huge double-mattress to roll around on even though I really just use one-third of it.
5. Sexy intelligent Sri Lankan boys.
6. My green garden with the big trees.
7. Skipping through the railway tracks on Marine Drive from Bambalapitiya to Wellawatte.
8. Not too hot, not too cold, just right, weather.
9. Strolling down Galle Road on a weekday.
10. Swearing in Sinhala.
11. A quiet beach on a Monday evening.
12. Sharing a sofa with someone you’ve known for more than a decade.
13. A cup of tea and chicken sandwiches made by someone and waiting for you when you wake up.
14. Comically bad acting on local TV.
15. The paan-man’s truck song early morning.
16. Asking the shop guy for a phone reload in Tamil.
17. Getting a seat on a crowded 154.
18. Calling middle aged strangers Aunty and Uncle.
19. The smile of recognition from the neighbor you’ve had for years but have never talked to.
20. Unexpected rain.
21. Stopping at Cargills for iced Milo for 35 rupees.
22. The godayas leaning on the rails inside Majestic City.
23. Perera & Sons chocolate cake.
24. Standing with a friend inside a moving bus.
25. Complaining about the number of Maldiveans in Bamba.
26. The chilli in all my food.
27. It’s not weird to wear a brightly coloured kaftan.
28. Dismissing things with an ‘aney just go men’.
29. Crossing the road wherever, whenever, screw the yellow lines and steel fences.